Steve Jobs is dead. Well, we all die, so this isn't totally unexpected. I'm digging the Ipod that he brought to market; the Iphone revolutionized the whole smartphone industry, as did the Ipod for music and the Ipad for tablet computing. Everyone and their brother is posting a tribute to Jobs on Facebook, Twitter, blogs, etc. Everyone except me. I shan't be doing that.
But it does bring up an interesting question, and to get to that question I'm going to tell a story. This happened to a friend of mine, and I hope I get all the details straight, but I'm likely to screw it up. But here's the gist. A kid's father dies. Or mother, I don't know. On the playground one kid after another starts crying. Except my buddy. Finally a kid yells at him, "Why aren't you crying?"
Why should he? It wasn't his father, or mother. It's always a nice thing to mourn with those who mourn, but if you don't, it isn't the end of the world. Especially if you didn't know the person in question.
And here's the question. Why do people publically mourn for those they never knew? A soldier dies, and people close their businesses and line the streets so they can wave a flag as a hearse passes by. A child dies, and a thousand people attend the memorial service. A child goes missing, and the whole community mobilizes. Of course, when a black child goes missing, no one seems to give a shit.
"In a close-knit community, people look out for each other. They care about each other." OK, I can get behind that. But a city of 50,000 population isn't a close-knit community. I am going to propose that many times, indeed most times, when people do the public mourning thing they are doing it not because they care, but because they want to be seen caring. There is a difference.
When you care, you do something practical, and not always for public consumption. If a child dies in my town, and I didn't know the child, or the parents, or the grandparents, I have no place showing up at that funeral. Let the family and friends mourn. A funeral is not a photo-op. But people feel the incessant need to make themselves a part of whatever story is making the rounds. If they are seen at the event, that means they care, right? But showing up at a service is too easy. Waving a flag for a dead soldier or putting a bumper sticker on your car means nothing. If you want to show that you care, really show it, then take a meal to the widow. Offer to mow her lawn. Get her car tuned up. If a family loses a child, drop them a gift card for somewhere. Send flowers. Donate money to a cancer charity if that's how they died. But don't create t-shirts or declare it "wear plaid shirts for Johnny Joe day" or something equally inane, because that doesn't mean shit. You are doing it to make yourself feel better, you aren't doing it because it does something practical for the family, because it does not.
The passing of Steve Jobs is sad. The passing of your next door neighbor is also sad.
And yes, I am aware that I've talked about doing things for show twice now. Maybe because we Americans are so damn good at it.
---The Man
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